Written by Shan Boodram.
Being honest with yourself about your emotional, mental, and time capacity helps you understand what kind of commitment is right for you, right now, and helps you make more genuine and realistic connections.
Think about what you really want upfront
I once got a match I was super excited about. One of those people you kinda hold your breath for when you swipe right, and then, VOILA! We started the chat and even made plans for a dinner date that week. The connection was sweet—not overwhelming and not understated—and the vibes flowed until it came up…
“So what are you looking for right now?”
Not only did our answers not match, they clashed. This story has a drawn-out middle, but I’m sure you can guess what happened.
Back in my dating days, there was no way to filter by dating intentions. Now, you can choose to only see people whose intentions match yours. At first, this may seem limiting, but we also have to remember that we aren’t limited to one phase of life. You can change your dating intentions at any time, literally.
An exercise to help you figure out your dating intention
Write “Romantic partnership” on a page, then write “Start, Stop, Continue” under it. Next, ask yourself, if you started a partnership with someone new today, what would you have to start, stop, and continue doing for it to work?
If your “Continue” section is the longest, it sounds like your life is already aligned for partnership, so set your dating intention as looking for a long-term relationship, a life partner, marriage, or ethical non-monogamy.
If your “Start” section is the longest, maybe set your intention to intimacy without commitment. That way, you can focus on dating and personal growth separately, without the pressure of commitment getting in the way.
Is your “Stop” section the longest? This may indicate that right now you don’t have the capacity for anything more than fun and casual dates. And that’s ok!
Now you’ve done this exercise, hopefully you’re clearer on what you’re really looking for. Go ahead and update your dating intentions on Bumble to best reflect this.