Written in collaboration with Marisa Cohen, Relationship Scientist at Bumble.
Ghosting is when someone suddenly stops responding without explanation, often leaving the other person feeling hurt or confused. While it’s become common in dating, a more direct and compassionate approach can lead to a better outcome for both people.
Why does ghosting happen?
Most people don’t set out to ghost someone. Often, it happens because they want to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.
Saying “I’m not interested” can feel awkward or confrontational, so some people choose to simply stop responding instead. They may even believe this is the kinder option.
However, ghosting removes clarity. It can leave the other person wondering what went wrong, which often leads to overthinking and self-doubt.
Rejection is never easy, but uncertainty is usually harder than honest communication.
What you should do instead of ghosting
If you’re no longer interested in pursuing a connection, aim for brief, clear, and kind communication.
Here are some examples:
- “I appreciate the time we’ve spent talking, but I don’t see this progressing romantically. I wish you all the best.”
- “You seem great, but I don’t think we’re the right match.”
This kind of message doesn’t take much time to send, but it can prevent the other person from spending hours replaying your conversations, trying to figure out why you two are no longer in communication.
Important reminders:
- If you’ve started a conversation, close the loop!
- Don’t disappear, especially after consistent back-and-forth messaging.
- If you’ve met in person, always follow up with clarity.
What to do when someone stops responding
- Avoid sending multiple follow-ups. One message is enough if you want clarity.
- Take a moment to reflect, without blaming yourself: what felt right, and what didn’t?
- Talk it through with friends or people you trust, and give yourself space to feel disappointed.
- When you’re ready, move forward intentionally. Refresh your profile so that it reflects who you are now.
- Strong profiles also help reduce “early-stage ghosting.” Profiles with more details, such as bios, prompts, and photos, see over 3x better chat outcomes.
Remember, the goal isn’t to appeal to everyone, but to connect with the right people. If you’d like, you can also report your experience in the app to share feedback with our team.
It’s not me, it’s you!
A brief, honest message can offer respect and closure. It also helps you show up as the kind of partner you’d want to meet. If you’ve been ghosted, remember that someone else’s silence is not a reflection of your worth. Stay grounded in what you’re looking for, continue showing up, and trust that the right connections won’t leave you guessing.