Written by Jillian Turecki.
Chemistry is very important. But who we have chemistry with is what matters. Sometimes, we have to examine why we’re attracted to certain people, and open our minds to a different “type.”
Do I keep choosing emotionally unavailable partners?
If you’re drawn to people who can’t fully commit, it’s worth asking why. Attraction patterns often stem from past experiences—are you chasing familiarity rather than fulfillment?
Is my “type” actually working for me?
You may have a clear idea of your ideal partner, but if the same patterns keep leading to disappointment, it’s time to reassess. Think about what qualities truly make for a healthy, lasting connection.
Am I mistaking emotional uncertainty for chemistry?
The surprises in dating are part of the fun. But the highs and lows of an inconsistent connection can become unhealthy. You have to make sure you’re not chasing someone who’s running away from you.
How to choose differently
Give people who you find interesting a chance. Go on dates with a group, so you can see how this person interacts with people. Attraction can grow, but you don’t have to give it more than 5 dates.
Reflect on your values
Attraction is important. But it’s not enough. For a relationship to work, you need to know yourself—and that includes your values. What is most important to you when it comes to building a life? The right person for you is going to align with these values.
Once you’ve thought about what values are most important to you, make sure you reflect this in the qualities I value and causes and communities parts of your profile.